Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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