pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
