Betty ford says i'm here all night
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
