you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
