drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
