final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
