hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
