in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
