I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
