I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
