So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
