it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
