my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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