dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
