So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just want to make out with him forever
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
