he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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