wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
