u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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