i think i have two assholes
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
