they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
