Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Everclear isn't food dammit
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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