After last night, I could never be a politician.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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