just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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