it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
In America we eat man semen.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
