i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
