I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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