I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
