Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
