I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
