She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
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