i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
