we're chasing vodka with high fives
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
