New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
