I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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