i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
