Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
