I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
