I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
