holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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