my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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