This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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