We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just want nice things and good sex
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
