He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
