Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
