Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
