why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
