Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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