Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
