Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
