filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
