I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
