how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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