I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
