Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
